Archive for November, 2008

I brought a free on-line pattern for children’s mittens down to Ol’ Wichita. Seems my eldest is fond of losing gloves. (I will be making a long ass i-cord to string from one sleeve to the next to keep them together and in her coat at all times.) Anyway, these were just going to be made from some cheap rainbow self variegated acrylic Red Heart yarn. The pattern called for worsted weight, which it was, but neglected ANY mention of gauge. I thought I could just knit really tight and be cool. Apparently I could not. I made a mitten for one of those obese children that Maury Povich is always parading around on his shows. Length wise, they were a little long. But width wise? It was like I knitted it for a bear’s paw. I will now have to measure her hand and resize it myself, based on my own stitch gauge, which is always a pain. I did not get around to doing any other knitting. Too stuffed, too much talking with relatives and going out to see friends. I had a great holiday, and I hope you did too. On the needles tonight? Scarves for friend Lisa and her 6 Haitian bears. I will be roasting myself in front of a non-aesthetically pleasing space heater, but it gets the job done.

Pic of Mentally Challenged Mitten

MittenThat’s MY hand. It is supposed to be for a 5 year old girl.

And on to happier things, We got our tree up. Thus, another holiday is already started.

treeNice vent, huh?


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Knitted Turkey Knitting

What am I thankful for? Lots of things. Recently, Dee Anna adding me to this blog and for our readers. Yesterday we had our highest hit count ever, 79. Way to go, guys! I hope you are enjoying our crafting, snark and our attempt at humor. Could you do me a favor? We’d like to spread the word about our little slice of the Internet. If you have a technorati account, could you favorite us? Click here to add us. If you don’t have a technorati account, consider getting one, especially if you have a blog of your own. It’s pretty cool.

I hope each one of you has a great Thanksgiving. Say hello to your loved ones for us and use your time off to 1) eat some awesome food and 2) knit. Please check back after the Holiday and we’ll have some new stuff up for your reading enjoyment. Right now, however, here is something for your viewing enjoyment. My husband Burton of Blue Collar fame has a flickr group called “video minimalism”. This video posted to his group made us laugh quite a bit. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

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Any of Y’all Remember…

…the website “You knit what?” Man, those were good times. When knitting blogs were king, I say! I feel the vacuum that site left and think of it often. Those women were really smart and funny. This blog makes no claims to try to live up to YKW, but check this out!

Chicken Viking Hat

Chicken Viking Hat

OBVIOUSLY, it’s a joke. A joke hat! Since the time of royalty, we’ve always depended on a joke hat for a cheap laugh (re: jesters) or to assert our authority (see this guy). MAN, that is a FUNNY hat!

I’m trying to think what scenario a chicken viking hat would be appropriate for, and I THINK it might be when KFC decides to start sponsoring renaissance festivals. Or, say, on a “wacky” high school drama club member. They’re so irreverent. Thespians unite!

This leads me to my most utilitarian piece of knitting. The knitting I wear more than any other thing I’ve ever created with my tiny porcelain hands. My cabled newsboy cap from Stitch n’ Bitch Nation “The Bitch-Pire Strikes Back.” That’s my alternate title anyway. I wear this hat ALL winter long. It is way fuzzy now, needs a trim and some TLC, but I will never get rid of it. It even itches the heck out of my forehead when I wear it for too long, but I still love it. It was one of those things that when I made it (2 years ago) I was amazed that I did it. Brim and all. So here’s a picture and a plea to go out of your comfort zone this winter and make a really awesome hat that you love. And wear the holy crap out of it!

Cabled Newsboy HatYes, I know. I still haven’t taken the decorations down from Veronica’s birthday. It’s been 2 1/2 weeks now. The balloons are dusty. What more do you want from me? Wasn’t this post enough?

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No time to explain, but I am so excited!  A picture is worth a thousand words, right?


Hopefully I’ll have more to add tonight before I leave to WI.  If not I’ll have plenty to blog about when I return.

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I started crocheting when I was about 8. My aunt taught me a basic chain stitch and tried to show me a chevron stitch, but being a punk-ass 8 year old, I didn’t have the patience and threw it down. Every couple of years I would get the urge to craft again. My mom’s mother (Grandma P.) taught me how to embroider, which I was pretty good at, and also taught me the basics of cross-stitching. I was never good at that. My eyes would get lost on the pattern and, invariably, I would realize I was shading the wrong areas with the wrong colors.

It retrospect, I should’ve kept going. Just finish something, but I’m kind of a lazy perfectionist. If I can’t do it right, I don’t want to do it at all. This has been a stumbling block for me for many years, leading my mother to even think that I may have a slight form of ADD. The older I get, the more I know that stuff just has to get done. If it looks like crap, who cares. Just GET IT DONE. Life’s too short. Plus, the knowledge I obtain from every mistake is priceless. It doesn’t feel that way at the time, but the next time I run into the same situation, piece of cake! I already did all the grunt work previously. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent, just going through my Reader’s Digest Encyclopedia of Knitting and Crochet Stitches. I would just do swatches to see if I could decipher the “code” as I like to call it. Learning to read a pattern is a lot like learning a foreign language.

Anyway, I always came back to crochet, and could never understand the patterns until I taught myself how to knit. Knitting just clicked for me, structurally. Don’t get me wrong. It SUCKED learning to knit. It was painful, mentally and physically. But it made sense! I can see the stitches easier, it’s obvious when I make a mistake and I can keep count SO much better when I have live stitches on the needles. (Unlike crocheting in the round.)

The point of this whole knitting vs. crochet thing is I made the sneakers.This pattern was one of the worst I’ve come across in a long time. It was just difficult to read. I’m sure an experienced crocheter will think I’m just being a pansy, but it sucked. I’ve finished one so far, so I guess I should say that I made A sneaker. I’m planning on giving these to Evie for one of her Christmas presents. Merry Christmas, first fruit of my womb! Crappy slippers! Won’t Jesus be impressed? Nah, I’m just playin’. I know he don’t roll that way.

Pics or it didn’t happen, right?

BUT…the second one will go so much smoother.

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B Stands For Bear

I made a bear for charity. From this pattern. It’s getting sent to Haiti. Lisa is going to be sending it to the kids for Christmas. I would’ve liked to make one more, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. I have crocheted sneaker slippers to make for kiddo #1. You can kinda see my priorities. I am a horrible person. A side note, I am listening to this on audio book right now. It makes me feel guilty for being alive. Why do I torture myself so?

ANYWAY…This is the bear, missing…something. Maybe you can see what.

Oh, it found it.



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Hang on Spidermonkey

The post title is my favorite quote from the Twilight movie.  There were other good ones, but calling your love interest spidermonkey tops them all (referring to your love interest as heroin came in a close second.)  The best scene in the movie would hands down have to be when the lead male character (the vampire) is exposed to the sun and his skin looks like he took 10 bottles of body glitter rubbed them all over himself and then sprinted for 100 yds making himself very sweaty and glittery.

Although Lora has written about some of the lameness/humor of the movie, I thought I would add my take.

I am an admitted reader of the entire series of books.  I just finished the last book in the series today.  I enjoyed them all immensely.  I can’t exactly define why either.  I mean, come on, teen love drama, vampires, werewolves, not exactly my normal book reading.  But, I liked the books and I stand by that.  I should warn you that they are addictive.  I told myself after the first one that I was not going to read the second because the books were trash.  Obviously I changed my mind, I had to know how the story ended.  Thankfully all of the books were written when I found them so I had some instant gratification.  I really want more people to read these books.

Now, back to the movie.  I highly recommend it.  With a few ideas for a more enjoyable viewing.

  1. Take a large group of great and funny friends.
  2. Go to the movie expecting the worst.
  3. Don’t be afraid to make fun of the movie, encourage yourself to do so.
  4. Laugh at all the teen angst.  You’ll snicker the entire time.

I have not laughed that hard in a long time.  It was all so hysterical.  The longing, painful glances.  The conversations at the top of pine trees.  The baseball scene Lora described.  The amazingly stupid dialogue.  (Hold still I’m about to kiss you, or something like that.)  All in all it made for a good time.  I think the fact that I had such good company made the movie for me.  I will say this, the books are not nearly as ridiculous as the movie.  Something about condensing a novel into a 2 hr movie doesn’t really work.

Next post I intend to get back to actual knitting content……………or maybe something crafty…………….or whatever I feel like.  Probably just whatever I feel like.

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